Critique my writing!

I wrote this just now as a bit of flash fiction. Tell me what you think! It's extremely rough and has not been edited, but it's my first horror scifi so I thought I'd share.

////UNSMC VESSEL "UN PROSPERITY"
MISSION LOG: DATE UNKNOWN, 7.0012 CYCLES SINCE CRITICAL SYSTEM FAILURE
ENSIGN MARCUS NGERE - UNSMCID 232-191-000127, RECORDING

::LOG BEGINS::

"How long have I been out here?" That was the question which clung like an epoxy bonding agent to the forefront of
my mind. I stared out at the long hallway before me as I floated out of the dormatory ring of the ship, my stomach
churning at the onset of weightlessness, though the fact that I hadn't eaten in four cycles might have aided in this
condition.

Checking the computer junction's temporal readout between the dormatory ring and ops, I could see that seven cycles
had passed since we were hit by that... thing, causing a critical system failure, killing life support systems and
forcing a full reboot of all systems. We only had one working stasis pod. The crew elected to save me above all
the others. I had no idea how long I was out, but when the onboard computers woke me some time later, I felt like
death.

A klaxon sounded, alerting me to a fresh problem. Ring Charlie - the point of impact - had come back online.
It shouldn't have been possible, but I was curious and decided to investigate. I grabbed a tool belt and floated down
the corridor to the third ring of the ship.I opened the sealed access airlock, feeling the pressure drop slightly.
Ring Charlie had apparently only barely repressurized from it's exposure.

Realizing now that the size and scope of the damage might well still require attention, I removed the rivet gun and
repair sheet from the tool belt, hefting them both in my hands. Opening the interior door with my foot, I gingerly slid
down the ladder leading into the habitation ring. It was dim and dank, the enviornmental and lighting systems still
somewhat frazzled from the impact. I cursed a little, kicking myself for forgetting my flashlight. Regardless, I
pressed on into the twilight of the damaged ring, feeling around for an emergency light.

My boot slid as I stepped in a thick, gooey liquid. It must have been a coolant leak. I raised the rivet gun, priming
its CO2 pack and raising the aluminum repair sheet as I felt for the leaking pipe. I grabbed hold of a thick wire and
jumped slightly as it slipped away. It was somewhat sticky, pulling my hand for a distance and depositing it on a
switch. Shrugging, I flipped the switch, an illumination pod for an instrumentation panel.

There, in the pale starlight and sickly orange glow of the instrument panel was Crewman Jennings, staring me in the eye.
Strange tendrils fed into his skull and his mouth oozed a sickly green-red pus in ungodly quantities down his suit and
onto the floor. "It f-found us..." He - if he could truly be called a he anymore - sputtered as the lights in the ring
were slowly turned on in staggered succession. "J-join usss" he hissed, as the lights revealed the rest of the crew
behind him, all staring at me and revealing a writhing, loathsome organic mass plugging the impact hole.

I deposited every rivet in the gun in Jennings' face. The poor bastard went down but got right back up, shambling towards
me as I sprinted up the ladder, charging to Ring Echo - CIC - and barricading myself inside. I surveyed my surroundings:
the armory had already been nearly exhausted and bloody drag marks showed the fate of the last of the crew to have held
out.

At this point, death by exposure seems merciful. I sit here now, having barely powered on the subspace beacon. They're
beating on the door now, screaming... screaming the most horrible scream imaginable. I'm recording this log to let you
know there's no point in saving me. Avoid the UN Prosperity at all costs and send a naval vessel to burn this wreck out
of the sky. There must be no survivors. I found a Type 97 service pistol on the transmitter console with one round in
its magazine. I've racked the slide and I'm pointing at the glass. Wish me luck.

::LOG ENDS::
////WARNING: COMMAND RING DEPRESSURIZED
////SYSTEM ALERT: REQUEST TO LAUNCH COMMS BEACON WAS DENIED, LOG NOT TRANSMITTED
////DISTRESS CALL SENT, RESCUE PARTY REQUESTED


(EDIT: I've started posting this around various other places, so it will probably be reposted without credit if people like it enough. Just know, future readers, that I'm the original author and would like credit. Also, I don't plan to be so repost happy with the follow ups.)