An invasion of unprecedented daring and gall took place in the sovereign household of the Glorious Workers' Republic of ComradePants on the Fourth of August, 2012 at 2334 hours. Whilst building Communism for the glorious workers of Tropico 3, I happened to glance up and to the right, putting down my stolichnaya and coke and gasping as I saw a hideous cockroach making its' way up my wall.
In the old days, my response would be swift, emotionless, and efficient. However, upon reaching for the airsoft pistol which I usually kept handy for just such an occasion, I discovered that I had trouble. You see, I had no airsoft gun nearby and the only projectile weapon within range was my M1911. The situation, while dire, did not yet necessitate bringing the police out on a negligent discharge call. I was forced to play the waiting game.
At that time, my friends Josh and Briana called me on Skype. I relayed to them the harrowing play by play of the invasion, relating to them every sickening step which the dread roach made as it unnaturally dragged its filthy, diseased plastron across the pristine ivory wood molding which lined the ceiling. I thrilled with terror as it neared me, still just barely without my reach.
Finally, the loathsome creature lost its footing. It fell grotesquely onto the top of a picture frame just above the bed on which I sat. I decided that now must be the time of action and, thinking swiftly, I readied a nearby can of Lysol which I had acquired for the night I made Mexican food.
I immediately began my campaign of chemical warfare against the pest, unleashing a lethal mist of cleansing, citrus-y fog against this dread intruder. I was unsure as to his demise but declared victory, regardless, to my rapt audience on Skype, but remained vigilant, only to see the horrid vermin crawl nauseatingly out from the bottom frame of the picture. Here, I could take no more. I assailed the beast with the edge of the can, sending it hurling to the floor below - hopefully bereft of life.
I immediately declared a tentative victory. I had brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire. I felt secure in my victory, rewarding myself with a Russian military medal I had lying nearby. However, this new victory meant that sacrifice was, unfortunately, necessary.
Though the roach rebellion had been foiled, the remaining roaches were probably still out there, yet to be hunted down and defeated.
The attempt on my life had left me jittery and afraid to turn off the light and go to sleep, but I assure you; my resolve has never been stronger.
In order to ensure my safety and the continuing roachlessness of my sleeping mouth, the Glorious Workers' Republic of ComradePants will be reorganized into the FIRST... INSOMNIAC'S... EMPIRE!!!
For a roachless... and orange scented... bedroom.
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